


Iwaoi - But you promised (Angst)

by everyth1ngsucks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:55:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26033815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyth1ngsucks/pseuds/everyth1ngsucks
Summary: When they were kids, Iwaizumi asked Oikawa in marriage, and he accepted. 10 years after, Tooru has to watch the man he loves marry someone else... but is Iwa - chan really happy ?
Relationships: IwaOi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 94





	Iwaoi - But you promised (Angst)

**Author's Note:**

> To get even sadder, listen in repeat while reading this fanfic "Naked" (James Arthur) in slowed version. You won't regret it. Enjoy!

\- Tooru, will you marry me ?

Oikawa opened his eyes and smiled. His best friend was laying just beside him on the grass, while the starts slowly began to appear in the dark sky. Their dark sky. Well that's how Oikawa felt at the time, their hands intertwined so no one could separate them.

\- You wanna marry me? Oikawa asked. 

\- I mean, if you asked me, I'd say yes... probably, his friend grumbled.

There was nothing but silence after Hajime's words. Oikawa was thinking. Would he marry his best friend? He already knew the answer, deep down, but didn't wanted the other kid to think it was that simple for him to say yes. 

\- Yes, I'll marry you, Iwa-chan! finally said Oikawa with a big, bright smile on his face. 

\- Okay, now give me your little finger,I'll cross it with mine. 

\- You'll cross them for what? 

\- To take our oath , you dumbass ! Iwaizumi yelled.

Oikawa had begun to remove his fingers from Iwaizumi's hand, but the little boy took his best friend's other pinky before he could do anything who could break their physical touch. 

\- Now promise. You have to promise, Iwa-chan insisted, looking deeply into Oikawa's eyes, who could feel at this very moment his heart melting in his chest.

\- We'll get m-married once we'll be older... I promise, he replied.

\- We'll get married once we'll be older. I promise, Iwaizumi repeated.

Tooru stood up and told his heart to stop beating so fast. His cheeks had turned tomato red but there was, fortunately, not enough light for Iwa to notice it.

\- Now that we promised, our wedding have to happen, even if you think it's too late then, Hajime said, his eyes stuck on the lake in front of them.

\- Or what? Oikawa chuckled.

\- Or we'll both go to hell !

\- Stop lying, Iwa-chan! You're scaring me!

\- I'm not lying, people who break their promises won't go to Paradise ! That's what mommy told me.

Oikawa felt lucky. Lucky and comforted. There was this oath that could never make him feel like his friend would get tired of him one day. He hadn't proposed to anyone else, right ? He would never do that.

\- Let's go home.

Iwa's voice had interrupted his thoughts. He turned to him, still smiling.

\- Why are you smiling like that, Trashykawa ?

\- Because I'm happy ! We're getting married !

10 years later

\- Oï, Trashykawa ? There's someone I'd like you to meet.

\- Really? Who? Oikawa asked, looking up from his book.

\- You'll see. Come on.

\- We have practice in five minutes, you better be quick !

The two guys walked for a minute before arriving into the main hall of their school. As it was the end of the day, there were a lot of students walking around and leaving the building to go home. Oikawa followed his friend until they came to a young brown girl, very pretty. Iwaizumi bent down and put a kiss on her lips. Oikawa frozed. He wasn't expecting this. He was usually the one getting all the attention from the girls. Seeing Iwa kissing someone felt somehow disgusting.

\- This is Hana, my girlfriend. Hana, I talked to you about Tooru already.

\- Nice to meet you ! she said.

She was trully beautiful. She had big eyes and long eyelashes, cute red and perfectly-shaped lips, long bright hair and a perfect skin. Oikawa hated her.

\- The pleasure is mine, he said with the fakest smile he had ever done.

\- Hana-san, we have to go to practice. I'll see you tomorrow, Iwa-chan said, looking deeply into her eyes.

\- I can wait for you ! she replied.

\- We're gonna be late, Oikawa cut them off with a cold voice.

\- No, don't, we usually finish at eight ! It's too late.

\- Oh, okay... See you tomorrow then !

They kissed one last time and then Hana disappeared among the crowd of students. Oikawa felt like he was about to throw up. What the hell was he doing with that girl?

\- So, what do you think ? Iwaizumi asked as they started to walk to the gymnasium.

\- About what ?

\- About Hana, dumbass !

\- She seems boring as hell. But she's too pretty for you. How come I never saw her before ?

\- You actually did, at a party last month, but you were too busy flirting. 

\- Yeah, that's probably the case...

\- Anyways, things are getting serious between us. So I thought I'd introduced you. 

\- What a charming idea ! Oikawa replied, with an irony that was not hidden.

The two boys had an habit of making each other jealous, probably unconsciously. Iwaizumi insisted that Hana was the woman of his life, while Oikawa reminded him that she would never be able to bridge the emotional gap that had grown between the two of them. 

\- What can I say, I'm prettier than you, he boasted.

They had arrived to the gymnasium.

\- Prettier, and better at volleyball, he insisted, passively venting all his hatred on his friend for replacing him.

\- If you're so perfect, how come you haven't find anyone who would want you for more than sex ? asked Iwaizumi, his eyebrows frowned. 

\- Oh, don't worry Iwa-chan, I found it, he smirked. It's just a matter of time until he falls for me.

Iwaizumi took him by the collar and pushed him against the wall. He brought his face close to the tallest one and whispered in his ear :

\- Don't count on it. I'm less fragile than you think.

Oikawa grabbed his arm and slid his nose into Iwaizumi's neck. He breathed his friend's perfume and felt better already. 

\- Who said I was talking about you, my dear? he then whispered. 

\- I assumed you did. As I can't see any other man that you could crave that much for.

Oikawa smiled and pushed away his friend. 

\- You have no idea who I can crave for, Iwa-chan. I don't care that you're with her. Be with whoever you want... I don't give a shit. 

\- We're gonna be late for practice, Iwaizumi said after a few seconds of looking at his friend silently. 

\- We already are. 

Time passed and, contrary to what Oikawa had first thought, Iwaizumi never got tired of his girlfriend. She now came to pick him up after every training session and didn't seem to realize she was always too much. Or maybe Tooru was just kidding himself ? Maybe Iwaizumi did love her.

They were now seniors and about to graduate. They had been invited to one of Hana's parties and were chilling on the couch in the living room when Hajime took the floor.

\- I need to tell you something.

Tooru stopped breathing. No. Not yet. He knew exactly what his friend was gonna say and he hated it. He smiled and sighed.

\- You guys are engaged ?

\- No, b... Wait, how do you know ? Did you spy on us ?

\- I just... what else could you have told me ? It's been one year since you're with her, one year that she's the only think you ever talk about.

Iwaizumi looked at him and Tooru felt, for a second, that he was hurting. But then the usual anger and determination replaced it in his eyes.

\- I want you to be my best man, he said.

\- What ? why me ?

\- Well, you're my bestfriend. I can't think of anyone I'd choose over you.

\- That is so romantic, he sneered.

\- What's your answer then ? Iwaizumi asked.

\- I'm... I don't know. I have to think about it. I have to go.

\- Tooru, wait !

Oikawa had started to walk away but once he heard Iwaizumi speaks, he froze.

\- You don't have to say yes, Hajime explained.

\- I know.

Iwaizumi had hesitated to visit his best friend. It has been one week since he told Oikawa he was getting married with Hana as soon as they legally could, and he haven't saw him since then, except at practice. He didn't wanted him to think anything could happen. He didn't wanted him to think he could change his mind. He was engaged. That was it.

In a few months, he'll be married to this girl. He liked her, she was nice, and pretty, and clever. She didn't annoy him all the time like Oikawa did, she would be a great company for Hajime. He tried to open the door silently, it was already unlocked. Tooru's parents were not home at this time of the day, he knew it. So he had to be there.

He started to go upstairs but noticed a vague silhouette in the garden. He walked to the picture window, and opened it. Oikawa was sitting on the grass, his eyes closed, his back facing Iwaizumi. The black-haired man wanted to say something, but he had no idea what to say. His last intentions were to hurt his friend. But he had already, a lot, too much. Suddenly, he regretted coming. He had nothing to do here. As he was about to step back, Oikawa's voice interrupted him.

\- Don't marry her.

Iwaizumi shivered. He was nailed in place. How did Oikawa had knew he was there ? He haven't make any noise, haven't open his mouth. He felt a tear roll down his cheek and let it run down, not trying to hide his pain. He knew full well that in front of _him_ , he was naked. They had always had the feeling that their bodies and souls understood each other without their brains even thinking about it.

\- What ? he managed to articulate.

\- Don't marry her.

\- Tooru..., Hajime muttered, walking closer to the other guy.

Oikawa stood up and turned around, his face flooded with tears. He was a mess. That face... Hajime couldn't stand it. He had always (well, almost always) seen Oikawa happy, and he was usually the one cheering Iwaizumi up. Never the other way around. Hajime lowered his eyes and clenched his fists, swallowing the pain that was running through his whole body. In an instant, his eyes hardened, his body stiffened. He took a deep breath and said in a cold voice :

\- Get over it.

\- Don't you think I tried to ? I can't help it ! I have loved you ever since I've known you, Iwa ! And I did everything for you to notice me, I've dated girls, I tried to make you jealous, I waited and I never complained, about everything, about Hana, even tho seeing you with her is the hardest thing I ever had to watch !

\- Stop acting like a baby, Tooru. It's impossible for us to happen.

\- You're a jerk, sobbed Oikawa in a broken voice.

Hajime couldn't hold his gaze. He approached his best friend and grabbed his arm softly. He had to make him understand the hard truth. Despite the feelings, they were doomed only to failure, only to suffer together. They were nothing but cursed lovers who could never simply love each other.

\- When will you understand I don't love you the way you do ? he shouted in a harsh voice, the harshest he could, to hide his nervousness and the fact that he was lying.

\- Trust me... I know ! replied the chestnut, pushing him away. Why did you came here anyway ? Shouldn't you be with your fiancée ?

\- Yeah I should, she's much better company than you.

Realizing what he had just said, Iwaizumi suddenly fell silent. He had crossed the line. He dared to look at Oikawa, who was staring at the ground.

\- I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

\- Why are you so cruel ? Tooru muttered.

\- I said I didn't mean it ! What, did you actually think we were gonna marry one day? 

\- I...

\- I'm not gay, Oikawa, I'm sorry ! We were young and it was a stupid promise, and I would have never thought you'd take it seriously. 

\- But... you promised...

\- A 7-year-old's promise is worth nothing, Tooru. I'm sorry. I thought... I had no idea you felt this way.

\- Of course you did, you asshole ! Oikawa yelled. Why are you acting blind ? Of course you always knew I loved you ! And still, you made me go out with you and your girlfriend multiple times ! And now you want me to be your best man ?! Go to hell !

\- I'm sorry, Oikawa. I'm so sorry. You don't have to be my best man. You don't have to go to the wedding. I have to leave. Please... take care. I'll see you soon.

Oikawa started laughing after these words, a desperate laugh, so sad and dark that it scared Iwaizumi. He almost ran away, cursing himself for making the person he loved most in the world suffer that much.

Hajime was asleep when he heard his phone ringing. He opened his eyes. He hadn't sleep, he couldn't, not after Oikawa's declaration. His words were running inside his head. "I've loved you ever since I've known you, Iwaizumi".

He had loved him ever since then, too. He had watched him making him jealous (with brilliant success), he had watched him becoming stronger and stronger at volleyball. 

He had watched him suffering from his relationship with Hana. He had watched him as his lover since the first time he put his eyes on him, almost eighteen years ago, in kindergarten. He checked his watch : 8 AM. Who could call him so early on a sunday ? He stood up with difficulty and walked to his phone in his desk. He didn't recognize the number but decided to pick it up anyways. 

\- Yes ?

\- Iwaizumi Hajime ?

\- Yes ?

\- I'm sorry. Your friend Oikawa Tooru made a suicidal attempt. We found your number in his phone, he's...

\- Is he saved ?! asked Iwaizumi.

He could feel his heart beating in his chest, sweat running down his neck. He could feel panic and guilt creeping over him. He imagined his friend dead in a hospital bed, and that thought alone broke his heart into a thousand pieces.

\- Yes, he is. He's resting now. Don't worry. You should come to the hospital to visit him. 

\- How did he... How did he...

\- He swallowed some medicine. We pumped his stomach. He was very lucky, he barely made it out. Thirty minutes later he was dead.

\- How long is he gonna stay in the hospital ? asked Iwaizumi.

\- Maybe a day or two, until he's completely safe. But maybe his parents will want him to go to a psychiatrist establishment. It's not harmless to try to kill yourself.

\- Okay, thank you. I'm coming right now.

\- He's asleep, but you can come this afternoon, the nurse reminded him.

\- I don't really care if he's asleep, I just want to check on him. 

\- No, I meant you can't see him right now, the visiting hours are strict.

\- Oh... Okay. I'll see him at 4 then. Is that allowed ?

\- Yes, it is. I have to go, Iwaizumi-san. We'll see you later.

Before he could say anything else, she hang up. Iwaizumi layed on his bed and promised himself not to cry in front of Oikawa, when he'll see him. Then, during the hours that followed this destructive call, Hajime collapsed and wept all his drunkenness, all the tears that he had never let escape these last days.

A few hours later, Iwaizumi was knocking at Tooru's door.

\- Come in, he heard.

The smile he'd forced himself to give him vanished at once. His voice seemed so weak, so fragile. How was he gonna handle it ?

He opened the door and closed it behind him, avoiding at all prices Oikawa's gaze.

\- Why did you came ?

\- Tooru... I'm sorry. I don't know what to say.

\- There's nothing to say. You can go now, I don't want to see you.

\- I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry.

\- Yeah, you shouldn't have, Oikawa confirmed.

He seemed broken. That's all Hajime noticed when he looked into his eyes for one second before turning around, in front of the room's window.

\- I'm leaving, don't worry, he muttered between his lips.

\- Be quick. My parents are coming soon.

\- I'm so sorry..., Iwaizumi whispered.

He was crying. Oikawa could feel it. But he was too tired to have pity. He just wanted this man to leave.

\- I'm so sorry, Tooru, he repeated, his voice becoming higher.

\- I don't have the energy to see you. I'll come to your stupid wedding. I'll be your fucking best man. Now, are you feeling better ? Did you get what you wanted ?

\- I-I didn't came to ask you about the wedding, his friend stuttered. How can you think that ?

\- I'll come. It's an important day for you, I'll come. But please, don't try to contact me, don't try to see me before that. I need some rest. I need... to rest from you. 

\- I promise, I won't do anything. But you really don't have to go if it is too much.

\- Well hopefully, in six months I'll be over you, so it will be okay then. Bye, Hajime, Oikawa finally said.

Iwaizumi felt his heart shiver in his chest. Over him ? No... He didn't wanted Tooru to be over him. He wanted this love all for himself. 

\- I..., he started.

"I love you too.", was he about to say. 

\- No, I said I needed you to leave, the chestnut-hair said, interrupting him.

And so he left. 

-...Hajime-san and Hana-san form a really good couple. To he honest, I was surprised when he told me they were getting married, seven months ago, but now I can see why. They have an undeniable chemistry. I'm extremely honored and proud to be your best man, Iwaizumi ! God bless you guys !

Oikawa sat down and smiled to everyone that was applauding him. He was pretty proud of him. 

\- You did so good there, honey, he heard.

\- Thank you !

He bend down to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek.

\- Now, what do we have to eat ? 

\- Uh, I have no idea when it starts. Isn't it weird to start off by the best man's speech ?

\- Yes it is. I'm gonna ask Iwaizumi-san, I'll come back in a minute.

Oikawa stood up and went to find his friend, who was talking to the bride's parents.

\- Oikawa-san ! Thank you for the speech. I knew you would be great.

\- You're welcome. Huh, do you know when do we eat ? My boyfriend and I are hungry as hell.

\- Your boyfriend ? I don't remember meeting him, Hajime said.

\- Oh, I didn't introduce him ? Well, I'll do it later.

\- How long has it been...?

\- Two months last week !

\- It's getting pretty serious then, huh ? Your first relationship of more than a night, Hajime laughed.

\- Yeah, I guess so, Oikawa laughed too.

They felt incredibly distant from eachother. As if they haven't known eachother their whole lives.

\- And, huh... How are you ? Iwaizumi asked.

\- I'm good ! I'm good.

\- I'm so happy for you and him, he lied, looking deeply into his friend's eyes.

Hajime stretched out his arm and stroked Oikawa's for an infinite second. At the same moment, Tooru felt all his efforts turn to dust, and he cursed himself for being so arrogant, for thinking that seeing him again would do nothing to him.

\- To answer to your question, we're eating in five minutes ! Iwaizumi suddenly said.

\- Oh... thank you... Well, actually, we have something to do. We... I just wanted to come for the official ceremony and the speech.

\- Are you sure you don't want to eat something ? You don't seem to feel really good.

\- Yes, don't worry !

\- Okay... Well... I don't know when I'll see you again. Is it okay for us now to hang out ?

\- Yes it is ! I'll text you. Bye Hajime !

Before Iwaizumi could say anything, Oikawa was already gone.

\- We're leaving, he muttered as soon as he was close to his boyfriend.

\- What ? Why ? We haven't even eat yet !

\- Please, he almost begged, please, I need to go now.

\- O-okay, okay you're driving ?

\- Yes. Thank you.

They walked to Oikawa's car and Tooru started driving.

\- I'm taking you to your apartment, he said.

\- I was supposed to sleep at your house tonight, but yeah, okay.

\- I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, I forgot.

\- Hey, hey, you don't need to apologize for that.

Oikawa's phone suddenly rang. He didn't pick it up but saw there was a voice message, so he clicked on it and turned the volume up.

\- Hey, Tooru. I just found out you were gone. I mean, you told me you were leaving but I wasn't sure. Anyways... I hope you had a great time... You guys are cute. You and him, I mean. He's so cool. I don't think he deserves you tho, Iwaizumi giggled. Well, good night, Tra-Oikawa. I...Sleep well.

The two boys heard Hajime hanging up. And then, silence. 

\- This is him, isn't it ? Tooru's boyfriend finally asked. You're in love with him.

\- Isaho-san, I'm sorry. I thought I was under control.

\- Stop the car.

\- What ? No, please, I'll make efforts !

\- I can't compete with Hajime, I see it now. I don't want to be second choice. Let me go.

\- No way, I'm at least driving you home.

\- Let me go ! he yelled. Stop the car, now.

\- Okay, okay.

Tooru stopped the car in the middle of the road. Fortunately, there was no other car than his.

\- How are you going to do ? Oikawa asked nervously. 

\- Go to hell !

Isaho slammed the door and started to walk away. 

\- Damn it, Tooru muttered, as tears started to run down his cheeks. You haven't change a bit, dammit !! Still loving this asshole after nineteen years...

He hit his head on the steering wheel once, twice, three times, screaming.

When Oikawa arrived home, after he went to some bar for multiple hours, he took off his shoes and went to the bathroom. After he had found sleeping pills, he swallowed them all at once, without question. He layed on his bed and waited patiently. He had no other desire than to let himself die. It was 2 PM. 

\- Well I guess I'll go to hell then, he whispered for himself. 

His phone rang again, a few minutes later. He didn't pick it up. He knew it was Hajime. He didn't wanted to hear his voice. Yeah, that was the last thing he wanted. 

\- Fuck, Tooru. I think I messed up, he heard in the answering machine. 

Oikawa didn't answer. Suddenly, he had a feeling that he was supposed to hear this message before he died. 

\- I left Hana, I really left her the day we got married. I really am an asshole, huh ? I don't even feel bad about it. I feel... released. I just packed my bags, I took the car and now I'm driving to the first beach I can find. I think I'm gonna sleep on the sand, like we used to do. I hope you remember. You were so pretty back then.You still are, of course. It's just a, huh, a different type of beauty. Your smile reminded me of an angel... My angel.

Iwaizumi was driving passively, his eyes fixed on the road, his tongue following the thread of his thoughts, his heart uncovered, for the first time in so long. 

\- You didn't wanted me to catch a cold, so you brought blankets and scarves, even tho it was summer. It was ridiculous. I loved it. I... I can't wait to see you. I guess you're with him right now. I was lying. I was lying earlier and i was lying those last nineteen years, to myself, to everyone else, and especially to you. I don't ever wanna see you with somebody else ; I hated it back then, and I hate it even more now, now than I know you're over me. I know I should be happy for you, finally, you've done it. But Tooru, I'm so, I'm so in love with you. I know every single inch of what you are and I'm in love. Why do I have the courage to say it now ? Why, why did I asked you to make that promise ? Don't get me wrong, I'm going to keep it. You may have someone in your life right now, someone other than me, but I'll wait. I'll be waiting for you... forever !

He realized he had talked to much, too fast. He caught his breath and hesitated for a few seconds. He could hear his heart beating in his temples. He smiled through his tear-filled cheeks.

\- I know it's so selfish of me to think you'll just come back into my life, and you can say no, you can say you hate me and never wanna see me again, you can do whatever you want, I'll never... I have faith in us, Tooru-chan. I know it can work. Please, please call me back if you still feel the same way. I don't know why, I can't stop smiling. I know I shouldn't do this, but I think I'll go to your appartement tomorrow. I hope you'll forgive me. All of a sudden, everything feels so simple, so bright. I can't help it... I love you. Well... I'm gonna hung up. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Tooru.

\- Wait, Oikawa said. 

He could barely speak, but maybe Iwaizumi wouldn't notice. 

\- Oikawa ! You're there ? 

\- Yeah... 

\- Are you alright ? You seem weird. 

\- No, I'm okay. I'm just... really tired. Please... Repeat what you said. 

\- What did I say ? Hajime asked. 

\- When you said that you loved me. 

\- Oh... You want me to say it again ? I love you. This is the first time I tell someone I love them, it doesn't feel right, he giggled.

\- Yes, it does..., Oikawa muttered, feeling weaker and weaker. Say it again. 

\- I love you... I don't know the end of this love. I swear to god, Tooru, you're everything I need. Seeing you today was the best thing that has ever happened to me. _You_ are the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

\- I love you, he whispered before hanging up with his last ounce of strength. 

He was lying on his bed. He had heard everything he wanted and was crying softly, gradually sinking into that eternal sleep so feared, so hated, that he had craved so hard, and which now he couldn't escape, no matter how much he wanted to.

That eternal sleep that from now on would prevent him from being with his best friend, his soulmate, the only person he would ever have loved. The one he knew every quality and defect by heart. The one he never gave up on. The one that loved him back and that had loved him back since the first day.

The one that was gonna die inside tomorrow, when he'll see his longed-for lover smiling on the last thought that Hajime and Tooru were two names perfectly shaped for eachother. 


End file.
